I Hate the Fact That I Love You
by Ibrahim Robinson
Summary: Freddie and Sam love each other but, they have always had their issues. So what happens when Carly finally decides that she loves Freddie and goes after him? Now Freddie has to decide which of his friends does he truly love? Will it be the fiery demon blonde Sam, or his best friend Carly, the one he thought he would always love? Disclaimer: I own no rights to ICarly.


How in the hell did he make her feel like this? It was as if the whole world consisted of just the two of them when they were together. She didn't want that or this or whatever the hell that this was turning into. Why couldn't she distance herself from him? Damn, damn, damn, and damn some more. Why did he always do the little things that mattered, the little things that most other guys had long forgotten about or didn't care about in the first place, like getting the door for her or holding her things when they walked and then there was how he always pulled out her chair for her when they would sit down to eat. Actually she loved those facts about him, even when she would pick at him and call him a dork for being so old fashion it was all just a front. She had tried her best to keep her true feelings about him a secret but, she was losing that battle. Now just hearing his voice had become a vital part of her day. She took a deep breath and looked at the framed photograph on her nightstand; it was a photo of him and her standing next to each other both of them with that dopey I love you look pasted all over their faces. She chuckled to herself, the thing was it wasn't just those little things that drove her wild it was the way he touched her too. How no matter what she felt safe in his arms. Damn him for making her feel all girly but, remembering how he would touch her and kiss her she couldn't help but feel that way. How he nibbled at her skin when he was with her or how he blew air across the little trail of moisture he left behind when he did the former. Her skin grew hot as she thought about his lips merged with hers. She felt a tingle go up and down her spine as she remembered how firm he felt when she was pressed against him. Or how her hand seemed to mold into his or how he always told her that she was beautiful. She took a deep breath and cursed again. She wanted to hate him, despise him even but as much as she wanted to she couldn't. In fact she was falling in love with him if she didn't love him already. She held her breath for a few moments and proceeded to snuggle under her bed sheets. She would just sleep and handle this whole mess tomorrow when she saw him.

_The Next Day:_

God he looked good coming towards her. He was wearing his dark leather boots, dark blue jeans and she couldn't tell what kind of shirt he wore because he was sporting his favorite coat which happened to be a gray peacoat he had picked up at a store in the local mall. He walked right up to her and gave her a soft peck on the lips lingering just long enough to get a few people to flash them a set of go get a room looks. She looked around the coffee shop like she had no idea where she was then she cocked her head giving him a steely look as she shuffled her eyes around collecting the stares around her daring them to say anything.

"Missed you beautiful."

She nearly choked on her coffee as she felt her cheeks light on fire as he sat down and put his hand in hers on the table. Well it wasn't just the fact that his hand was in hers but the fact he was drawing little circles into her palm with his thumb too.

"Hey Freddie."

"Hey Sam."

"Listen we need to talk."

"Sure, what about?"

"About us Freddie."

"So there is an us?"

"Freddie!"

"What you said it not me!"

"You're the one holding my hand!"

"You aren't pulling it away!"

Sam looked down at her hand. As much as she liked the feel of Freddie's skin against hers she pulled her hand away from him.

"There!"

"Sam.", Freddie said in a whimper.

"Listen to me Benson. You don't love me. You never have and you never will. Got it?!"

"How do you get to tell me how I feel Puckett?!"

"Listen you idiot I won't have my heart broken because you get tried of me in a few days and start running back in behind Carly again."

"Is that what this is all about Sam? I told you that I loved you. Me Freddie Benson the tech geek that you have harassed, teased, cheated off of all throughout school, and not to mention abused for years took a leap of faith and told you how I felt Sam. When it comes down to it no one makes me feel the way you do Sam no one not even Carly!"

"Can you honestly tell me that if we were dating and Carly decided that she was in love with you after all you would stay with me and not break up to be with her?"

Freddie slipped his hand back into Sam's before he spoke.

"At one point I thought I was in love with Carly. I really did. Then I started to pay attention to who I really missed when they weren't around me. Or how I would feel when I would go the whole day without seeing you. Sam the last few days have been the best of my life. Being with you I… I just love the way you make me feel and even if I could I wouldn't change that fact for anything else in the world."

"Really?"

"Honest Sam."

Sam could feel that familiar feeling of butterflies fluttering in her stomach. Out of all the boys she had every dated only Freddie made her feel like this. Like she was incapable of forming coherent words or performing the simplest of actions. She could feel his hand squeeze hers bringing her thoughts back to the here and now. She swallowed a gulp of air before speaking.

"Freddie I need you to promise."

"Promise what Sam?"

"I need you to promise to never hurt me Freddie.", she whispered.

"I would never hurt you Sam."

"You can't be like the others Freddie. Please if you can't love me and only me then walk away right now. You aren't a nobody Benson if you cheated on me or left me like the rest I don't know what I would do, I really don't", she said in a whisper.

Freddie pushed his chair as close as he could to her and put his arms around her. He took his hand and ran it through her hair while she rested in his arms. For those few moments they could have cared less that they were at a public coffee house or not. They just wanted to be as close as possible to each other as they could be at the moment. He slowly tilted her head up to look at him as he spoke.

"Sam, I love you. Only you understand, for as long as you will have me.", he whispered in her ear.

Even in the middle of that busy coffee house they felt like they were the only ones there. He ran his finger tips along her jaw line and rubbed his thumb across her cheek. He gently closed the distance between him and Sam as they closed their eyes. His lips brushed against hers ever so gently then a little harder and harder still. Until she could feel the full weight of him pressed flush against her body. She felt his heat and his electricity as it flowed through him and over her. It was perfect. Sam couldn't believe it, how soft and tender he was with her never being forceful in anyway. Sam never knew you could get so much pleasure from just being kissed like that. As the last seal of their lips broke he lifted his head from hers and looked right into her eyes.

"I love you Sam."

"I love you too Freddie."

"Let's get out of here."

"Okay."

With that Freddie took her hand and was off. He had no idea where to go but as long as Sam was by his side it didn't matter. As she walked with her hand enclosed in his her fears from the night before began to melt away. Who the hell was she trying to fool anyway? Herself most likely, after all she was always trying to find something wrong with him something to hate, some reason to run but damn it all if she didn't want to do exactly the opposite which was melting right into his arms.

They ended up walking in the park a little while later after they left the coffee shop. Her hand still molded into his as he brought it up to his lips leaving a light peck on her hand. She could feel the tell-tell signs of a hot blush hitting her face. That was the kind of effect he had on her, that simple act of affection had thousands of invisible lines of passion connected to it. She feared what he would think if he knew that if he so pleased he could most literally throw her to the ground right there and have his way with her. After all he was a disease a virus that infected her, one she never wished to have cured. She felt as if he was in her very blood and just like her blood he was wrapped around her heart free to float in and out of her with every beat. He had access to all that she was good or bad.

It was by a pond which held a few ducks that had surrounded Freddie and Sam wondering if they had any bread on them that had caused them to stop. Sam had giggled out loud.

"What?", he asked with a smirk.

"It's just that I think that they find you irresistible."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You even kind of look like a duck.", she said laughing.

"Well let's be glad I'm not Gibby or they probably would follow me home."

He wrapped his arms around her roping her close to him. The thousands of invisible lines once again connected them together. Her simple gray sweater and blue jeans and tennis shoes made her body overly hot in moments even in the Seattle winter. He gently swayed them back and forth trying to find a rhythm without music. His dark brown eyes stared into her deep blue eyes trying to grade if she found this action romantic in the least. She did of course her back being caressed by one of his hands. She gulped a waterless swallow before speaking to him.

"You make me feel really special you know that?"

"Just returning the favor.", he said smoothly.

Sam knew her face most have been some tint of red because he just smiled at her. He had just said that she makes him feel special. The little girl in her was jumping up and down wildly repeating the words he likes me, he likes me, he likes me. He stopped the swaying and looked her deep in her eyes before bending his head down to capture her lips with his own. How in the world did he do this to her she thought? How could he be so gentle that she felt like a priceless artifact yet so damn possessive that she felt just looking at someone else would be a crime? She couldn't help but let out a low moan against his mouth. She should have been embarrassed, mortified even but all it did was make Freddie tighten his arms around her body while his lips remolded to hers as he shifted his head. If it wasn't for the fact that they were in the park during the winter someone may have seen their make out session but, they were all alone and she couldn't help releasing another moan down his throat. He greedily consumed it only letting her lips go long enough to take the next breath before beginning the assault on her lips again. When he finally calmed down he could feel her chest thumping against his.

"I love that rhythm it's as if your heart is beating only for me."

As the words hit her ears she mentally made a note of each and every syllable he said committing it memory.

"If you make me blush again I'll slug you one.", Sam said smiling.

"Okay, okay jeez."

Freddie marveled at the fact that even when she was threatening him all he wanted to do was love her. He dipped his head down and fused his lips to hers again. Sam loved when he got all mushy but she wouldn't admit it, not even under torture or direst.

"What now?"

"Well I was wondering if you wanted to spend the night with me?"

"What?"

"Well my mom has to work the night shift and the morning shift so…"

"So, you wanted to get in my pants tonight huh."

"No!"

"So I'm not your type?"

"I… I… I…"

"Close your mouth Benson you're catching flies."

"Listen Sam! I just wanted a night where it was you and me and we wouldn't have to worry about anyone else."

"And that requires me to spend the night?"

"Well I figured that by the time you came over it would be dark already so you could just sleep over. If you wanted to that is."

Sam knew in her heart that she wouldn't be falling for a trap like with most boys. Benson didn't have the guts to try to jump her bones or corner her in his bedroom. She hated the fact that most guys thought she was easy but, a Puckett never complains. She just let her fist do the talking if a guy got all grapy.

"Sure Benson. Meet you at your place in a few hours."

"Deal!"

_A few hours later in the Bushwell:_

Sam walked through the lobby carrying her duffle bag and jumped on the elevator. She really couldn't believe that she was going to be spending the night at Freddie's. He must have grew a pair if he wasn't worried about his crazy mother and what she would do if she ever found out a girl was over in her apartment especially at night, alone with her son. She smiled at the thought. When the elevator opened she was surprised that she ran into Carly.

"Hey Sam. What are you doing here this late?"

"Umm."

"Did you have a fight with your mom again?"

"No."

"Then what is the duffle bag for then?"

"I am spending the night at Freddie's."

"What the hell!"

"What it isn't a big deal."

"Like hell it isn't! When did you guys even become, whatever you guys are? I just thought it was a kiss here and there nothing serious! You and him spending the night together is very serious Sam! "

"What business is it of yours anyway? You don't like him!"

"…"

"Right?!"

"…"

"Right Carly?!

"No I don't like Freddie, Sam!"

Sam had been Carly's friend to long to not know when she was lying to her and in this situation Carly was definitely was lying to her. Sam didn't know what to do at that moment because if the person standing in front of her was anyone but, Carly she would have already punched them. Out of all the times Benson had asked her out. He was like a wet puppy always stiffing in behind her and now that he moved on she wants him! What the hell dude!

"Okay Carly. Well Benson is expecting me so I better get in there."

"Okay. See you later Sam."

Carly walked in her apartment and closed her door. She watched through her peephole as Sam knocked on Freddie's door and Freddie let her in. She turned around slid to the floor with her back to the door. She brought her knees up to her chest and folded her arms over them and started to cry.

"I do love him Sam! I do!", Carly said weeping.

_Across the hall:_

Benson jumped up when he had heard the knock on his door. When he opened it and saw Sam standing there he couldn't help but smile.

"Hey Sam."

"Hey Benson."

"What is wrong Sam? You look like you have seen a ghost."

"I don't want to lie to you Freddie. Can you just drop it for right now?", Sam said softly.

"Sure. You can talk about it whenever you're ready to."

Sam couldn't tell him what was bothering her. What was she suppose to say? Remember that girl you said you'll never love again well guess what turns out she really loves you after all. She tried to remember what he told her at the coffee house that morning but, all see could see was Carly sitting in her place. Carly kissing him, kissing Freddie her Freddie. It was like she as having a standing dream or nightmare might have been a better term for it. She finally snapped out of it when she felt a warm body pressed against hers.

"I hope you don't hit me in the face for that kiss but, you looked like you needed something to pull you out of your own head Sam."

"I won't hit you if you do it again."

"Be careful what you ask for Sam because I might not stop."

She was relieved when she felt his lips press against hers. She loved that feeling. His body pressing into hers and his lips running over hers. If there was a heaven she was in it whenever she was with him.

"I think your getting to good at that Benson.", she said as she pulled away.

"I don't know how that is a bad thing."

"Just tell me you have something to eat in here."

"Well I was thinking we could order take out and then watch a couple of movies."

"That is a pretty good ideal. Trying to impress me you nub."

"Hey don't you forget who you're talking to Sammy."

Freddie took a step back and flexed his muscles. He was wearing a lose fitting t-shirt with the same dark jeans on as before. Even with that lose fitting shirt Sam could make out most of the outlines of his chest and some of his stomach muscles. His arms, well his arms were a whole other story. She was practically drooling on the floor at the site of his arms. Her cheeks turned red as she thought of all the naughty things she wanted to do while those arms held her.

"I knew that would shut you up."

"What did you say?", she said coming back to reality.

"I said what do you want to eat?", he said trying to avoid an argument.

"You.", she said under her breath.

"What I couldn't hear you?"

"I said I need a menu."

"No need I can just order from Benny's. As many times we have been there we should have the menu memorized by now."

"In that case then, I want the triple serving of beef and broccoli with the shrimp fried rice please."

"Really?"

"What is it?"

"Just thinking if that would be enough food for you?"

"Your right double that order."

Freddie couldn't help but laugh at himself after all he had walked straight into that one. Nevertheless he was glad that Sam was back to normal, even if her normal was eating enough food for a whole platoon of Marines. After all that was Sam, his Sam. He couldn't help but smile at the way those words sounded to him.

A couple of hours later Sam was snuggling into Freddie while they watched the last few minutes of the movie that was playing on the television. Freddie looked at the coffee table in front of him and the empty take-out containers and could only laugh to himself at the fact that Sam ate every bite of her food then asked him if he was going to finish his.

"Hey Sam?"

"What's up?"

"What was wrong when you came in a while ago?"

"I still don't want to talk about it."

"I didn't do anything to upset you did I?"

"No. God no Freddie."

"I won't push you to talk about it if you don't want to just know if it was something I said or did that I'm sorry I upset you Sam."

"Didn't I just tell you that you hadn't done anything wrong Freddie?"

"I know it's just…"

"Just what?"

"It's just that I am afraid that I did something stupid and hurt your feelings or something Sam. I don't want to lose you okay."

"Freddie if I was upset over something you had said or did I would tell you about it. This… this is just personal and I don't know how to even begin so I just want to wait and enjoy this special night I have with you. Okay?

"Okay Sam. Sorry about that."

"It's okay. Listen I am going to go get changed and put on something more comfortable."

"Bathroom is right there down the hall."

"Thanks."

"No biggie."

Sam leaned over Freddie and brushed her lips across his before she stood. She picked up her duffle bag and walked down the hall toward the bathroom. All the while Freddie watching her butt as she moved across the room and down the hall. When Sam got inside the bathroom and closed the door her thoughts started to fly all over her mind.

"_Great what do I do now? No matter what I tell Freddie I know he will think the worst until I tell him about Carly and what really has me upset I can't believe this crap. All Carly ever had to do was say yes to him. He had literally asked her out a hundred thousand times if not more, now that he chose to move on in his life she finally discovers that she really does have feelings for him. You have to be freaking kidding me. Come on Sam get a hold of yourself. Freddie said he loves you that he wants you not her and he is right outside this stupid door waiting on you. He loves you, he loves you, he loves you. Arrrrr! He does and I will prove it to you!"_

Sam suspended her mental tirade and reached inside her duffle bag. She pulled out a special pair of panties. Instead of having to put you leg through a hole to put them on these had strings on the sides that you had to tie. She removed everything from her waist and below then she slipped the panties on and tied them to her hips. She looked in the mirror and couldn't help but think that she needed something more then special underwear to prove the point she was trying to make. She took off her shirt and her bra and watched as the goose bumps popped across her skin as the cold air hit it. She took out a purple shirt that had a plaid pattern which was also a size to small. The idea was to leave the top unbutton and the bottom buttons unbutton, leaving only the two buttons in the middle button. That way her C-cup breast looked like D-cup breast. Her plan was prefect. She took the clothes she took off and put them in her duffle bag. She took a deep breath and opened up the door.

When Freddie looked up to see Sam he was speechless. Sam looked like she was ready to do a centerfold shoot for Playboy. Freddie had to check his pulse because he thought he had died and gone to heaven.

"Sam! Sam! Sam!"

"Yep that's my name don't wear it out."

She walked over to him and straddled his lap instead of just sitting there on the couch beside him.

"If you keep staring at my chest like that it may just burst into flames."

"I'm sorry Sam."

"Don't be sorry Freddie. I wanted you to look that's why I put it on for you."

"For me?"

"Who else is here you nub?"

Freddie put his hands on her waist and she rested her arms on his shoulders. She could feel him squeeze her hips as they both closed their eyes and kissed. Wonderfully Freddie she thought. Their kiss began to get more and more feverish as it continued. Both of them completely giving themselves to the other. Soon both of them were admitting tiny moans of satisfaction. Freddie felt the vibrations of her moans against his mouth when felt her tongue traced his bottom lip too. He opened his mouth and suddenly Sam's tongue was taking a tour of the inside of his mouth. She even sucked his tongue making him groan so loud it could be heard next door at the Shays. Sam pulled back with a wide grin and laughed out loud.

"Didn't know I could make you do that Benson."

"I didn't know that either."

"Freddie?"

"Yeah Sam."

"Make love to me."

"What?"

"Make love to me Benson."

"No."

"What? What did you say?"

"I said no Sam."

"I don't care what those assholes at school say Benson I am a virgin! I haven't even given out hand jobs!"

"I know Sam."

"What?"

"Remember a few months ago when I was always beat up and I wouldn't really talk about it?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Well the thing is I got into these fights with some guys from school because of you."

"What?"

"Some of the guys in our grade were spreading rumors that they had sex with you. Kept on talking about all the dirty things you did to them. They were all laughing while talking about how easy you were. I got so mad that people were treating you like a whore that I fought the guys one day then I came back the next day and fought them again then the next day and so on and so on until they agreed to squash the rumors"

"So that's why you were so beat up those two weeks! You said you had tried out for the rugby team!"

Sam buried her head into the crook of Freddie's neck. He could feel the red hot tears from her eyes burn his skin as her sobs racked her body. Sam was crying so violently that she was on the verge of wailing. Freddie didn't understand one bit of why she was responding like this. He immediately tried to calm her down so he could ask her what was wrong.

"Sam what's wrong?"

"I had made fun of you for those whole two weeks! I called you a girl, called you weak and spineless. I even told you that you needed to go get a box of tampons instead of bandages because you were whining like a little girl but, you were really doing me a favor. You were defending me and I treated you like shit! I am so sorry! I am so sorry Freddie! I am such a horrible person. No wonder you don't want to sleep with me! I wouldn't either!"

"Sam that's not why I don't want to make love to you."

"What?"

"The truth is that you're perfect."

"What? I don't understand."

"I am not good enough for you Sam plain and simple."

"Have you gone crazy Benson?"

"I haven't, it's just that you deserve someone as great as you for your first time. Sam I don't know the first thing about sex. I don't even have condoms. I don't know how to touch you or where to touch you. You need someone that can make you feel out of this world not someone like me who probably can't even get you horny. Don't waste your first time with me Sam."

They couldn't believe each other. Freddie couldn't believe nor understand why Sam wanted to give him her virginity when she deserved so much better then him in his mind at least. Of course he loved her but; he knew that it would be horrible if he had sex with her. He was so inexperienced that he didn't even know how to masturbate. It wasn't his fault mind you after all he lived with his very over protective mother who sheltered him from the world. That even meant sex. He knew a little but, not enough to please Sam he worried. As for Sam she hated herself now. The one person that meant the world to her had not only been berated and chastised by her and all he was trying to do was defending her. He told her and Carly that he was trying out for a local rugby team that played in the park. She remembered the first day she saw him and how hard she laughed in his face. She laughed in his face! Called him a weakling! All he was trying to do was save a little face by not telling her all of his business. Sam knew that there were at least five guys who were spreading rumors about her so at the very least he was fighting five guys daily and he did all of that for her. Now he didn't even have the confidence to make a move on her. She had to fix this.

"Benson."

"Yeah Sam?"

"I don't care if you have never even seen a woman before Benson you're the one I want! Got that?!"

"I don't want to disappoint you Sam and I am worried that I will."

"Making love isn't about just one person Benson. I want to show you how much you mean to me too. I also want to apologize for all the times I have mistreated you Freddie."

"Don't worry about it Sam."

"No Freddie it is not something that I can ignore anymore. It's not right Freddie it just not right."

"Got it Sam."

"It's getting late. Do you want to go to bed yet?"

"As long as you're by my side."

"You bet."

With those words Freddie surprised Sam by picking her straight up from the couch and carrying them into his bed room. He gently laid her down on the bed and crawled in beside her. Freddie looked into her eyes again and smiled. Even if they both thought that the other could do better the truth was that they were perfect for each other.

"Freddie?"

"Yeah Sam?"

"I never thought that I would be your girlfriend let a lone this happy."

"I feel the same way about you too."

"It's like we just fit together. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah I get that. Sam you know I love you right?"

"I love you too Freddie."

_The Next Day:_

When Sam woke up next to Freddie she swore she was dreaming but, last night really did happen. She was in Freddie Benson's bed, her boyfriend's bed. She mentally rewound the events of last night. How she was sitting in his lap and wrapped in his arms and how she felt when she learned the truth about what he was really doing for those two weeks. Her heart even sunk when she thought of the fact Freddie didn't believe he was good enough for her. He loved her he just didn't love himself enough it seemed. How could he even think that? Then there was Carly, the look on her face said everything that she didn't voice out loud. She knew that she had to talk to Carly at one point or another so she picked up her phone and sent her a text.

"_Hey Carly, we need to talk about you, me, and Freddie."_

Now all she could do was wait.


End file.
